Bob Jennings Journal

Irritation? Burn? Cancer? The irritable bowel problem had worsened to the point of internal bleeding last Friday.  But by the mercy of God, on Saturday I was given the great joy of escorting my daughter, Bethany, into the presence of the bridegroom, James Jennings of San Antonio.  After the noon church love-feast Sunday the intestinal spasms were so bad and painful that there was no way I dared to eat that evening.  The spasms left that night and then I was able to get an appointment with the GI doctor at Menorah Medical in KC for this morning.  They suggested that it was not the cancer getting into the bowel, but rather a burn from the cyber-knife radiation last Sept.  I thought I was out of the woods, but they said not necessarily.  So they have prescribed some medicine and advised me to go ahead and eat.  But the meal was way too much abuse and threw me into six hours of spasms and agony again.  It has now settled and I am able to drink water slowly.  It looks like the only hope is to fast again, and then eat very small portions ever so carefully.  I am sick, weak, and frail, frankly.  I am down to 129# and sure do ask for prayer, my dear friends.

Meditation:  Ecclesiastes 7:1b  … the day of one’s death is better than the day of one’s birth.  What!  How can this be?  It is true for the Christian, and only for him.  Here are some reasons why it is better…

• Birth: a struggle begins
• Death: we enter into rest, Rev. 14.13, Heb. 4.9
• Birth: we begin sinning
• Death: we are out of the presence of sin, 2Pet. 3.13
• Birth: the body is a problem
• Death: the body is gone and soon to be raised immortal, Php. 3.21, 1Cor. 15.53,54
• Birth: we have evil company
• Death: we have angels and saints for company, Heb. 12.22f
• Birth: many unknowns
• Death: the end of all unknowns and mysteries, “no more sea”, Rev. 21.1
• Birth: tears
• Death: no more tears, sorrow, crying, pain, death, but rather full joy, Isa. 51.11
• Birth: we are without God
• Death: we are with the Lord, 1John 3.2, 1Thes. 4.17

The Lord Jesus secured extreme blessings for us at the cross when He died for the believing, repentant sinner.  But for the non-Christian, at birth he begins a life of deceptive pleasures, and, alas, at death, indescribable woes.  It would be better if he had never been born, Mark 14.21.  Be very sure that you are in union with Christ.

Worse:  Five weeks ago I began to have the dreaded irritable bowel – probably from the pancreas not putting out the needed digestive enzymes and from all the pain pills.  The cancer will not let me eat much and then the IBS won’t let me keep it.  I must drink only sips of water.  I almost need the hospital.  I’m now trying to eat very small amounts of rice or toast and banana.  It looks like we are seeing slight improvement.

Better:  The pancreas seems to be improving now that the mother tumor was killed by the cyber-knife radiation.  I have not had a pancreas spasm for probably six weeks.  It was getting easier to eat before the irritable bowel problem set in.  Also, I have been able to lie down a little more, rather than the recliner only.

Meditation: Think of this!

Matthew 8:16, 17  When evening came, they brought to Him many who were demon-possessed; and He cast out the spirits with a word, and healed all who were ill.  This was to fulfill what was spoken through Isaiah the prophet: “He Himself took our infirmities and carried away our diseases.”

The Bible’s big emphasis is that the Lord Jesus “took away our sin”, John 1:29.  And the Lord Jesus not only took our INIQUITIES, but also our INFIRMITIES.  Both the root cause (iniquities) and the symptoms (infirmities) of our plight were dealt with at the Cross.  We rejoice at the prospect of total recovery at the resurrection, and also whenever there is a gracious provision of healing ahead of time.  For that, I still pray and many have.  Unless God has intervened, the cancer is spreading in the liver and lungs.  The Lord knows and He knows best.

But one more thing:  Make sure you yourself are included in the “our“.  The Lord Jesus does not take away everyone’s iniquities, nor does He take away everyone’s infirmities.  Some end up in hell, both soul and body.  The Bible teaches the need for a radical conversion experience – from darkness to light, from Satan’s power and dominion to God’s, from cover-up to truthfulness,  from stubborn ‘do-it-my-way’ to sweet submission, from unbelief to sincere faith in Christ’s sin-payment on the Cross, from guilt to forgiveness.  “He Himself” accomplished redemption.  “He Himself” will heal the universe.

So here we are.  The kink: The panel of doctors reported Monday that the tissue that was inflamed from the radiation to the pancreas tumor has gone down enough that the kink above the stent is gone from the bile duct.  The steroid pills apparently helped shrink it.  Cyber-knife radiation on liver:  They decline to do it, saying that even if they killed the tumor in the liver, the spots on the lungs are too close behind.  The oncologist said yesterday there is not a cure for me.  Chemotherapy has only a slight chance (25 to 35%) of giving me more months, or really “weeks”, but no cure.  The tumors in the lungs and liver have “crossed a threshold” and have doubled in diameter in three months.  Another oncologist said the same thing two years ago upon diagnosis – that chemo only might give me more months.  There is some slight improvement regarding the general pain and the difficulty eating.  I am getting a little better sleep.  Very thankful.

Could God heal me?  Yes, He brought Jonah out of the belly of a large fish.  He brought Lazarus out of the tomb after four days.  But will God heal me?  I do not know.  I do ask Him, as well as so many who have lovingly borne the burden.  Is heaven all right?  Well, “to be at home with the Lord” is preferable for sure (2Cor. 5:8).  Why should the Christian want to stay here?  I suppose if I have any regrets it is that I did not do more for Christ – what a privilege to serve Him here.  The Lord Jesus obviously does not need anyone.  He can find another.  We are dispensable.  It is simply a wonderful gift to be in the service of the best of Masters.  Perhaps every Christian dies with a great sense of being “an unprofitable servant” (Luke 17:10).  The Lord Jesus was the only one who could really say that He “finished the work” (John 17:4).  He accomplished redemption.  He satisfied divine justice.  He put away sin.  He paid the sin-debt for all who openly come to Him as sinners.  I have no regrets that the Lord saved me from my sins in 1971.  All else fades into insignificance.  The world is passing away (1John 2.17).  Heaven and earth will pass away (Matthew 24:35).  God intends to kill everything.  Only those in union with Christ will rise and live again – forever.  Healing is certain!  Let every tear be dry and spread the tidings ’round.  Be all things to all men that by all means you might save some (1Cor. 9:22).  Do what you can (Mark 14:8).  The Lord commended that.

My dear friends, the doctor reported that September’s cyber-knife radiation melted the pancreas tumor down.  It was not even visible.  However, the scan also revealed that the cancer is spreading – the spots on the lungs are bigger (the largest is about 3/8 inch in diameter) and the spot on the liver that was too small to treat formerly is now about one inch and obviously cancer.  The doctor said that the one in the liver would not let me live more than a year at the most.  He will bring my case before the board of doctors Friday.  Chemo would perhaps give me only “more months.”  Now that the liver tumor is this size, they could do the cyber-knife on it and that would “buy me more time.”  It is not as delicate as doing the pancreas tumor.  All in all, he said there is no hope of a cure, and we knew that from the beginning really.  By the time the cancer was discovered, it had already spread, as is the case with pancreatic cancer.  It seems like the problems from the kink in the bile duct are less.  Alas, I forgot to ask him if the kink was gone.  I will ask tomorrow.

Meditation:  2Th 3:16  Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance.  Peace in every circumstance!  How can it be?  The Christian knows that the Lord knows and that He is bigger.  That is, we are not victims of circumstances, but objects of His eternal love and sovereign plan.  We are “shipwrecked on God and stranded on Omnipotence.”  From the beginning of the journey we’ve been taught to say, “Your will be done.”

Dear folks, I have mentioned that continuous pain started in mid-December.  But last Thursday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night I had much pain with fever and chills, followed by itching, etc., indicating the stent in the bile duct was clogging, but then opening up again, as I would eventually get relief after about 7 hours and upon forcing a workout on the mini-tramp.  So, Monday I called the GI doctor at Menorah Hospital in Overland Park, KS, to report this and they said I’d better come over immediately – they could get me in today for an ERCP (scope to the stent by going down the throat).  The doctor found that the stent was not clogged (he did clean it anyway), but rather the bile flow hindrance was due to the temporary swelling of the pancreas tumor and other tissue from the cyber-knife radiation which then likely crowded the stent over enough to cause the bile duct to kink like a garden hose.  The only hope is to see the swelling go down.  I am going to have to keep exercising with what strength remains (as it helps everything function and flow), keep hydrated, eat only small amounts frequently, and continue pushing the pain pills.  So, in this matter I need shrinking to occur.  Normally shrinking is not good…

• Acts 20:20  I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable
• Acts 20:27  For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God
• Hebrews 10:39  But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who believe to the preserving of the soul
• 1John 2:28  Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming.

Dear praying friends, I thankfully report that it appears that the fast has helped to settle the pancreas down – I had no spasms upon breaking the fast this afternoon, and I think I’m out of the emergency mode.   Furthermore, the Lord helped me to get much sleep.  “The Lord raises up those who are bowed down”, Psa 146:8.

Dear friends,

The problem of pain: Since about the 17^th of December, I’ve had constant pain from the pancreas to the backbone.  The pancreas reacts not only to food, but even to sips of water.  I began fasting two days ago to see if that would let it settle down.  I surely ask for your prayers that I might have help from the good hand of God.  My times are in Your hand; deliver me from the hand of my enemies, Psalm 31.15.  The soonest that I can see the GI doctor is the 24^th, apart from the emergency room.

New year?  The new year is a reminder of a great day coming when the Lord Jesus will return and make all things new.

Revelation 21:5  And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”

Sin, sorrow, and sickness will be gone.

Revelation 21:4  and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

These words are “faithful and true” but only for those who have had a new birth, John 3.3 – an invasion of the living God into the heart, causing a person to begin to be radically different than he was and different from the surrounding world.  He is a “new creation”, 2Corinthians 5.17, and as such, the Christian is a partaker already of the coming universal new creation – all things new.  All the more, I’m not sorry I began to follow the Lord Jesus 40 years ago.  I’m not sorry I came to Him as a sinner, trusting His sin-payment on Calvary.  He is all I have.  He is all anyone can have.  Everything else gets stripped away.